Read more about the people who volunteer with us and what motivates them
Jacqui Page – Norfolk Group Leader
In July 2007 my world fell apart. My son and best friend were taken from me by a depressive illness that all consumed him for eight months.
I held Simon in my arms as a healthy baby boy and again on this awful day in a place that no mother should find her child.
It was devastating. Future hopes destroyed and a loss that was physical and emotional agony, it’s an unnatural process to outlive your children.
The night before Simon died we had tried to get him admitted to hospital for his own safety. Sadly this failed.
We had both taken six months out from work and when he felt ready to go back to work, I felt confident to go back myself.
The sense of injustice and sheer waste of a young vibrant life, was a situation that I found very difficult to cope with and address, as final. The end of my son’s life!!
I had no control over his decision and acceptance was many years away.
Despite losing my husband to Suicide twenty years ago we had built a family life around holidays and Christmas, although they were tough. Yet we had fun too, supporting each other and looking towards a happy future.
Simon and his sister graduated from University and those days were happy for us all. Them as students working hard and having fun and myself as their proud mother.
At the time of Simon’s death, I was working for a Health Trust that provided me with Specialist Trauma Counselling, Jan Summerfield pulled me through a living nightmare. Emotional carnage that threw my life into turmoil. Somehow with her support and that of local vicar gave me the strength to survive.
Survivor is an exact term for coping with suicide.It has its own demons. Judgemental attitude, stigma and isolation. Non understanding of an illness that destroys life and continues to do so.!!
I miss the hello mother, how are you phone calls every day. Even now seven years later!! The London trips. Being met by my son at the station, when I got down there, the huge hug!!
Breakfast in Covent Garden… picnics in the park and long catch up chats were all part of being a mother, to a son that I adored.
I relocated to Norfolk in 2010 needing to leave pain and devastation that had all but destroyed my life.
As a child Norfolk had brought me a lot of happiness and peace. I had great times sailing on the broads, playing on the beach,and playing tennis with my mum.
I would like to thank Reverend Les Rees from Staffordshire. As he put me in touch with Bishop Lindsay and Father Pascal at Walsingham Shrine. Your compassion and humanity has helped more than you will ever know!!
Starting the SOBS group was something that I had planned back in Staffordshire. I had been in touch with SOBS for some years working on the helpline and receiving support myself.
John Peters was a great advisor….losing a son to suicide himself. Rest in peace John. You will be sadly missed by SOBS.
The Launch night was a success. Attended by survivors all with their own tragic story of personal loss. Sadly repeating itself over and over again.!!!
Many thanks to Norman Lamb Minister for Care and Norfolk Police Suicide Negotiator, who came to a later meeting.Kindly spending time to listen to the survivors and their honest accounts of the day, when they lost family and their lives were changed forever.
The next plan is to raise money for Norfolk SOBS group. I am running a half marathon with a work colleague all proceeds go to SOBS Norfolk.
A Charity Concert is also on the wish list in my son’s memory in the grounds of a Castle in Staffordshire next door to the church where my son is buried. The proceeds will go to Norfolk SOBS…. who knows a Centre for those brave survivors who get up every day and continue to live after a suicide…it’s no easy task!!
Thank you for spending the time to read this volunteer page.
Lynn Orridge – Melton Mowbray Group Leader
Suicide barged permanently into my family’s life on Tuesday 8th February 2011.
I was bereaved by suicide and in my head, I knew immediately the heartache to come, whilst my heart struggled to comprehend the loss of my eldest child and only daughter.
I was powerless, had no choice and no control – probably the main reason I volunteered to set up and run a support group for Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide in my hometown. To take some control, it’s my choice, and in time I hope to lessen the power of the shadow hanging over the rest of our lives. Whilst I’d lost loved ones previously, nothing remotely came close to the emotional turmoil and devastation of losing Nicola by her own hand.
Also, the nearest group to us at the time was over an hour away and I felt I would be able to draw on my experience of running support groups for the charity I worked for at the time of our daughter’s death. Also, unfortunately, there was a cluster of suicides and attempted suicides, many young, in our area in the months and years after Nic’s death, something that bothers me due to the media coverage of Nic’s death.
When setting up the group I had two main concerns, fundraising and was I strong enough? I had developed a habit of bursting into tears at any time.
Fundraising; early on I decided to only raise just enough to cover venue hire, refreshments and the cost of a dedicated mobile. Ultimately both my husband and I were happy to cover the costs for a while but we didn’t need to, family & friends were very generous and two car boots later we had enough funds to run for a year. Then once the group was up and running we benefited from wonderful donations. After attending my first volunteer’s conference in November 2013, we will ensure that we support the running costs of head office as much as we can, as we would be lost without their helpline, resources, advice and encouragement.
Was I strong enough? I don’t need to be strong on my own, we all support each other, a lot of people are on Facebook and we have regular contact between meetings, as our grief ebbs and flows facing anniversaries, birthdays and the festive season. We are there for each other; we explore the complicated emotions that we barely understand in a safe and non-judgemental atmosphere. And tears, yes I cry for my daughter and I most likely always will, I’m comfortable with that.
Rest in peace Nicola Ann Orridge, you are loved and missed every single day. Something special has come from such a waste.
Joy and Phil Heal – Uttoxeter Group Leaders
We were very fortunate that when we lost our son to suicide in May 2011, someone noted details of Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide in their condolence card. This meant that we attended meetings at Ilkeston quite soon following our loss.
My husband Phil decided very quickly, that we should open a group local to where we live, as soon as possible. We waited the 2 years recommended and held our first meeting in June 2013.
The first issue was to think of a third member to join our group. Our sister in law with her P.A. background seemed perfect, but in the end, she found the prospect too upsetting which we obviously appreciated as she loved Jonathan very much. Luckily Jonathan’s best friend Jane stepped into the breach and is an invaluable asset to the team.
We started to look for premises a good 6 months before we planned to open. It was very difficult to find suitable premises that met the recommendations of the charity, at an affordable price, that would be available on the same day each month and within the insurance cover agreement. Fortunately, we did eventually find our premises with disablement access, large car park, private access to our meeting room, toilets and kitchen area.
The next challenge was to advertise our existence. A lady who lost her husband to suicide got in touch with Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide headquarters offering help to support us. She works for the Local Authority and managed to get our group details put on the GP Agenda. This has meant that every GP in Staffordshire has been given our details. To date we have had two GP referrals from different parts of Staffordshire. She also managed to get me an invitation to join the Stoke on Trent Prevention of Suicide Strategy Working Group, were I can influence the agenda from the Survivors points of view.
Prior to our first meeting we drove around Stoke on Trent dropping posters and leaflets off at Health Centres, GP Surgeries and asking retailers to display posters in their shop windows. We contacted several local free papers and they all published articles free of charge. We contacted the main local Newspapers who also published articles on our group free of charge. I was invited to talk on BBC Radio Stoke before and after the first meeting which was very nerve racking.
Jane set up a Facebook page and email address for our Uttoxeter group – we have been contacted by several survivors via these medias. At the meetings we have two very dear friends who provide us all with tea and coffee, biscuits and homemade cakes free of charge. They come to every meeting and make drinks as Survivors arrive at 7pm and make another drink around 8pm.
This means we don’t actually break the meeting and the Survivors always seem ready for another drink. It works for us. I personally worried a lot about actually facilitating our meetings. I have attended a few different meetings and each had its own way of doing things.
I still worry about people not turning up, I spend a lot of time speaking to newly bereaved on the phone. Some come to meeting, some are not ready or are not interested or are able to attend. I write to anyone I hear about being bereaved by suicide (provided I can find out their contact details) and enclose SOBS details.
We fundraise not only for funds but to keep our group in the local media.
Running a group is not easy, it is time consuming and as an emotional cost to yourself. However, the rewards of reaching other Survivors, some who are in a desperate state, to bring some comfort to fellow survivors and to meet and listen to some truly amazing and inspirational survivors means that we receive more than we give. To be there for someone else is our way of paying back the help and support we received and continued to receive from Eric and Geoff at the Ilkeston Group.
Did we appreciate just what we were taking on? Probably Not. Would we do it again? Definitely.
Good luck if you are thinking of setting up a group. Head Office will hold your hand and support you all the way. If you want to talk to me then don’t hesitate to contact me.